I can’t do it anymore I’m breaking on the inside and i can’t pretend any longer that I’m happy. Last year was the greatest year of my life and I feel like now not a single thing can go right and i going crazy, I need something good to happen I need some sort of hope to keep me going. Im tired of being stung and putting on this smile as if I’m happy when really all i want to do is lie in a hole and die. Not actually die but just leave thats exactly what I want I want to leave and just go far far away. Things weren’t suppose to happen this way none of this was suppose to happen, Im not sure how I’m suppose to fix it when it wasn’t suppose to happen like this in the first place. I’m disgusted by myself on how much i relied on a boy to make me happy and i try and tell my self repeatedly that I’m over it and I’ve moved on he’s definitely moved on but i can’t do it. Something always brings me back to you, i need you. I always have and I always will and its scary to think that until i have you i won’t be happy, it truly scares me I’ve always believed you have to make yourself happy before you expect anyone else to make you happy but now i just don’t know what to do. Its killing me inside if something doesn’t change soon i have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do. I can’t keep putting up this act that I’m happy because I’m not and i don’t know what its gonna take to make me happy. Thats all i want honestly is it too much to ask for? I just wanna be happy.